Game Dump

It's a clear summer night in London. You walk purposefully down Langley Street in Covent Garden looking for the pub. It's nearly time and you can't be late. Tonight is the most important night of your life. Ah! Here's the pub! You enter and walk directly to the bar, weaving in and around throngs of patrons happy to be enjoying a drink after a day's work. You approach the bartender and inquire. You were told to speak to Nigel. The bartender confirms he is Nigel and he asks your business. You give him the reply just as you were told. He nods his head solemnly and asks you to follow him.

He leads you to a door towards the back of the bustling pub. He gives the door two sharp knocks, pauses for three seconds then two more sharp knocks. A regal voice from behind the door simply says "Enter!". With that, Nigel hurriedly backs away and turns tail to resume simpler, safer duties tending bar. You enter the room dutifully and close the door behind you. Looking around you are deeply impressed with the furnishings. Lots of red cloth, leather couches and recliners, the heavy smoke of cigars and the presence of just three men. You know you are in the presence of true masters of their craft. One of the men you recognize as your mentor, Simon. The other two gentlemen you haven't met before.

The youngest man, perhaps 25 years old at best, rises and looks you over. "I am the Grand Bastard." He has an unmistakable British accent. "Who sponsors this apprentice bastard?", indicating you. Your mentor rises and claims responsbility for the sponsorship. "Very well, let the trials begin. I shall go first."

"An utterly clueless network user calls and asks you why the network is running so slow. What is your response?"

"I cheerfully volunteer to immediately inspect the co-worker's computer, diagnose the problem and repair it." With this, you can see the Grand Bastard is greatly offended. Undaunted, you continue..." I get under their desk, open the computer case and swap out the 100 megabit network card and replace it with a 300 baud modem with the speaker disabled. I close the computer cover, plug the modem into a phone line, boot up the computer and make lightning-fast configuration changes the user can't follow. When I'm all done their 100 megabit per second connection is reduced to a 300 bit per second connection via demand-dial connectivity. Without a doubt, they will never call me and complain again."

You wait breathlessly for the reaction of The Grand Bastard. "That is an excellent solution. You have passed my trial." Looking around at his two peers he continues, "Indeed, your response is so thorough, so diabolical and so effective I think we can dispense with the remaining trials. Are we agreed?" Your mentor and the other BOFH both nod their assent.

"Then it is done. I confer upon thee the formal title of Bastard Operator from Hell. Return to the United States of America and do us proud. Now. Go! Begin thy tenure!"

The Bastard Operator from Hell

BOFH:Interactive Fiction Edition.

BOFH is Copyright (c) Simon Travaglia and is used with Permission.

(Visit http://bofh.ntk.net, www.theregister.co.uk, www.plan9.org for info).

Type "about" for more story and legal information.

Release 8 / Serial number 030202 / Inform v6.21 Library 6/10

Your office, where you carry out your Bastardly duties, is equipped with the finest furnishings and equipment necessary to perform your work. As you have an aversion to cheap kit, your desk is the finest example of office furniture ever bestowed upon the human race. Sitting atop this monument to furniture is the single most powerful computer in the company; your personal workstation. Only two decorations adorn the walls; a Bill Gatus of Borg poster and a daily calendar. North leads out of Mission Control to other, less important areas while you spot a very large and serious looking door down the hall just east.